November 2010 Activity -- Civil War Thanksgiving Reenactment

Saturday, November 27, 2010
2:00pm
Cost: $2/person suggested donation
Cherry Hill Farmhouse
Falls Church, VA

Prior to going to this reenactment, we met for lunch and drinks at the Mad Fox in Falls Church. Thankfully, we had fortified ourselves with a few Orange Whip beers (and yes, we did order them by saying to our waiter, "Who wants an orange whip? Orange whip? Orange whip? Three orange whips) and an order of frickles (we love frickles) before walking into the farmhouse and seeing this portrait.

Holy Mother of God, why would anyone want to go back to a time where they not only didn't lock child demons like that in a basement, but also painted portraits of them so that they could attempt to steal your souls more than a hundred years later?

When we walked into the dining room, the reenactors were just finishing dessert at the table, in what was supposed to be 1863. One gentleman greeted us and gave us some information about the house and the participants. Another gentleman asked us how we had arrived that day, and of course, we had no idea whether to answer as ourselves or to give the Civil War-era answer. Dilettante Amanda handled this by responding, "in a hybrid carriage."

After touring the house, we asked if we could try on some of the bonnets on the hat rack (which we assumed were props, but were actually hats that the reenactors had worn there that day).

We are a bunch of rubes.

On our way through the kitchen, we asked the young girl sitting there a few questions about what she was doing and her response led us to believe that she had been dragged there against her (corseted) will. To wit:

Dilettante Amy: What do you have there?

Unhappy, Uninterested Girl: (Picks up basket full of knitting, lifts yarn to reveal random pieces of colored wood, and says in a completely flat voice). Toys.
Dilettante Amy: Oh, how nice!
UUG: >crickets<

and...

Dilettante Kathleen (looking at giant mound of crystallized something): Is that salt or sugar?
UUG (staring at floor, NOT at said pile): errrr... I dunno.

We headed back to the hybrid carriage, which then headed back to the Mad Fox for another round of orange whips. (And caused the hostess to say, "When I told you to come back soon...I didn't necessarily mean in an hour.")

We actually did learn something...and that is that the house was owned by the Blaisdells who voted with the Union, and therefore were in a bit of a pickle (frickle?) when it came to maintaining the safety of their persons and property. Mr. Blaisdell noted that someone even had to stay at home while the rest of the family went to church to guard the possessions.

(Note to self: I have a new excuse if my mother-in-law asks me to go to church on Christmas Eve. Thanks, Reenactors!)

October 2010 Activity -- Rallying to Restore Sanity

October 30, 2010
National Mall
10:30am-3:00pm - ish

September 2010 Activity -- Fly Fishing

Sunday, September 19th

10:00am-12:00pm

Lake Audubon

2070 Twin Branches
Reston, VA  20191
$20/person (half price through Groupon)
http://www.robsnowhite.com/

Here’s a little free advice: If you ever go camping with a Dilettante, have a Plan B when it comes to dinner if Plan A is “we’ll eat what we catch.”

After two hours of fly fishing, none of the Dilettantes (or Guest Dilettante Chris) had caught anything. Other than twigs. And probably poison sumac.

This was no reflection on our instructor - a character (in the best possible sense) named Rob Snowhite. (Who upon his first cast into the water, promptly landed a large-mouth bass.)

We had no idea what to make of this guy at first…a young guy who likened himself to Brad Pitt (though we all thought more Luke Wilson) who told us that he had been a biology teacher, worked for a big consulting firm and was now fly fishing as a full time job. And that his wife was a spy. And that he lived in his car at one point in South Park, Colorado, where he was almost eaten by a mountain lion. And in order to remember important things, he simply rolled up a pant leg and jotted notes on his skin with a Sharpie. Added to this were the fact that he liked good beer and the fact that he used the term "Nantucket Sleighride." (Which sounded like an Urban Dictionary entry to us. He used it to mean catching a fish so large that it can actually pull your boat, though to our credit...there are some alternate and more amusing definitions in Urban Dictionary.)

We began our two-hour fly fishing instruction by learning the equipment. He showed us a 10-foot rod (snicker) and its butt (snicker). Rob also showed us and explained the many different types of flies and the types of fishing for which they are used. Some of these he had made, and some he had bought (meaning, they were made by Sri Lankan children).

After our tutorial, we all spaced out along the shoreline (literally and figuratively) and began casting. Guest Dilettante Chris came close to landing a fish (though she and our instructor had different opinions of how large the fish actually was). Dilettante Amanda succeeded in catching her sweatshirt (which will be delightful mounted above her fireplace).

Dilettante Amy succeeded in getting bored at the 50-minute mark (her trademark), though she stuck it out to the bitter end.

It was a gorgeous day and we really enjoyed ourselves even though nothing was biting (yes...that's it. Nothing was biting). There was a lot less nonsense than usual since we had to stand so far apart. (I guess our elementary school teachers knew what they were doing when they separated the troublemakers.)

Lunch at Jackson’s Mighty Fine Food in the Reston Town Center followed, where we were met by Dilettante Nicole and her baby, Lucas.

August 2010 Activity -- Beading

Joy of Beading
Tuesday, August 10th
5:30pm
5903 Lee Highway, Arlington
Cost: $30.
Materials are provided for in class instruction. If you want to make something you can take with you, you should arrive a little earlier to select and pay for materials.

Dilettante Amanda's younger sister, Megan who was visiting from Colorado, joined us as a guest Dilettante on this activity. (Aside: Megan's middle name is Alexis. This is because Amanda was five when Megan was born and her parents gave their rather precocious child some input into naming her sister. Which she loved --promptly naming her after her favorite movie character at the time -- Alexis in the timeless classic "Ice Castles.")  (Megan is so thankful that Alexis is a pretty name. Megan Robby Benson would have been a little harder to deal with...)

[For what it's worth...this post has been written in draft format for a couple of weeks while I've tried to weave together some puns including: pearls of wisdom, beads of perspiration, stringing us along,
pendant-ic and many other gems (heh). Good news? I still have the day job.]

Onward...

Beading, it turns out, involves basic math, listening skills and an ability to follow simple instruction. All areas in which Dilettante Kathleen promptly received an "F". We learned how to knot and close bracelets and necklaces, the different types of clasps, materials used for clasps and stringing, which tools were used in the process, and how to measure the appropriate length of string or wire for our projects. Our instructor, Aga, was charming and patient (and very talented -- she was recently featured in a beading periodical for an original necklace design).

The hour and a half long class was all hands-on and we actually felt like we had somewhat developed a skill when we left.

Our de-brief took place at the restaurant next door...which was once a pizza hut, then the Tap and Vine and now an Asian place. The service was a little spotty. Amanda asked for a water, and they forgot it...she asked again and they came back with a straw for her sister and still no water for her. Amy and Megan ordered crab rangoon appetizers. They were delivered at the end of the meal and we were charged for three. I'm just realizing as I write this that I never got my jasmine tea. Sheesh. With an attention span and listening skills like that, our waitress should think about taking a beading class.

July 2010 Activity -- Bartending

Saturday, July 24, 2010
3:30-4:30pm
"Cocktail Creations": A Hands-On Amateur Bartending Class
Bartender of America Bartending School
9651 Baltimore Avenue
Suite 202
College Park, MD  20740
301-220-0055
$25/person

The Bartender of America Bartending School is on Baltimore Avenue. A fact that was drilled into my brain as I was driving there with Dilettante Amy and we had the following Rain Man/Who's on First discussion:

Amy: What is the address of the place?

Me: Baltimore Avenue

Amy: Right, but what is the street address?

Me: Baltimore Avenue

Amy: (to her credit, very patiently) The street address.

Me: (emphatically) Baltimore Avenue!

Amy: (resignedly) Is there a building number on Baltimore Avenue?

Me: (sheepishly) Oh...9651

Dilettante Amanda was smart and just met us there. She came from a baby shower that had been held at a home with no air conditioning. On a day that the temperature reached almost 115 degrees. Holy boob sweat, Batman.

The Dilettantes made up the majority of this one hour class that focused on how to properly mix and serve different types of martinis. Our classroom was set up to look like a commercial bar with glassware, cocktail shakers, garnishes and even a soda gun at each station. And although the alcohol bottles lined up on the shelves behind us were real, they were all filled with colored water.

Party poopers.

For the most part, we used the correct bottles of alcohol for whatever cocktail we were mixing (for a dash of realism), though, occasionally, we amused ourselves by putting together the grossest combination of booze we could think of (Dilettante Amanda's jagermeister and creme de menthe creation with a cocktail onion and cherry garnish comes to mind).

We went through exercises of counting out the proper pour and then measuring our results to see how accurate we were (a two-count is about half an ounce), practiced using a shaker, a strainer and making cocktails straight up or on the rocks, and then adding the proper garnish and setting the finished cocktail on the bar in front of us. As with anything, the pros make this look so much easier than it is. We had early visions of coming away being able to do Tom Cruise's "Cocktail" moves and realized quickly that we'd be lucky to count the pour without moving our lips.

We then spent the rest of the class focused on the valuable bartending skill of interpreting slur.

I wish.

At the end of the hour, our almost impossibly good looking and very fun instructor, Mia, gave us a copy of the cocktail recipes we had practiced and tried to sell us a bunch of barware.

We followed up with lunch at the Hard Times Cafe in College Park. Unadventurously, drinking only beer.

By the way, during the entire class, we were being photographed and videotaped for the Bartender of America web site. Let us know if you see us there.

June 2010 Activity -- Flamenco Dancing

Flamenco Dancing (with castanets!)
Born 2 Dance Studio
Vienna, VA
Monday, June 14, 2010
Time: 7:30-8:30pm
Cost: $20/person
http://www.born2dancestudio.com/

I'll be honest with you -- the studio name was almost a deal breaker for me, being no fan of text message-ese. (Truly, seeing someone write "R U" in lieu of "are you" causes me physical pain.)

Getting past that, I was very excited to try flamenco and get back to my Spanish roots. (You know, since my husband's grandfather came straight from the Old Country I am now Spanish-by-association and am launching a campaign to get the tilde back in our last name. Let's all say it together: Can-YAY-doh.)

Walking into the Andalusia ballroom (that the man who checked me in pronounced as "An-da-loo-SEE-ah" -- god, I love that accent) in the Born 2 Dance Studio, we saw about 10 other women of all ages ready to flamenco. We found out that most had just begun taking lessons, yet most already had their own castanets and special dance shoes. With our castanets borrowed from the teacher, we began a series of warm up exercises that included a lot of wrist movement and hand positioning. Then, we spent a lot of time on castanets...putting them on and clacking out different beat patterns. Castanets rock.

We learned that flamenco music styles are called palos and songs are classified into palos based on a rhythmic pattern. (Our instructor, in her ever-cheerful way, explained that the palos we'd be dancing to had a 12-beat and that we'd be counting by fives on the 12-beat. We quickly realized that 12 is not evenly divisible by five and therefore, were immediately overwhelmed by counting, castanet-ing and stomping all at once.)

She further complicated this by introducing a compas (the rhythmic cycle of a palo) and at first having us stomp on the beat, and then on the contra beat. (It was enough to make our heads feel like they were gonna 'splode, Loo-see.)

Other than a little stomping, we didn't do any actual dancing...it was more about the upper body posture and arm position and castanets. Have I mentioned that castanets rock?

After class, we walked over to Amphora for some food and cervezas. Muy bien!

May 2010 Activity -- Drag Bingo

Tuesday, May 11th

Nellie's

900 U Street

Washington, DC

8:00-10:00pm
Free
http://www.nelliessportsbar.com/

Where to even begin? With Eleanor, the lesbian from Dallas? With the woman from Georgia who did not grasp the concept of BINGO and ran up on stage after getting five in-no-way-connected spots on her score card filled? With the huge table full of employees from the Red Robin in Waldorf who seemed to be regulars? (And who lost an over-imbibing member of their group to the restroom for a good portion of the night?) With the vast array of food and beverage that was available in "bucket 'o" quantities?

Or should we begin with the prize table -- which was quite obviously a table of rejected gifts from Christmases past. It included: a leopard print snuggie, an electronic dartboard, a dirt devil vacuum, a Paula Deen hot chocolate maker, a crock pot, a chia pet, a basketball, a waffle maker and some other completely random stuff. (Seeing the chia pet prompted Dilettante Kathleen to exclaim, "Oh my GOD! I have always wanted a chia pet!" A dream sadly unrealized due to the hefty $7.99 price tag, apparently.)

Actually, let's begin with how the two stunning drag hostesses (Shi-Queeta and I-don't-remember-the-other-woman's-name-so-let's-call-her-Mary-Katherine-because-it's-funny) set the tone of the evening by picking on every single person in the (completely full) bar. The banter was totally lewd and uproariously funny. They were absolutely equal-opportunity offenders and made everyone feel like they were part of the party. (If you go...be prepared to discuss your sexual orientation and whether or not you are a "top" or a "bottom"). And be prepared to be challenged on your answers based on some of your bodily features. Whether you are gay/straight/black/white/male/female or anything in between -- you are going to be stereotyped with an unflattering comparison. (In our crowd, there was a "Sumo Wrestler," a "Shrimp Fried Rice," and a "Velma" from Scooby Doo. Frankly, we got off pretty easy, as we were dubbed simply, "The Real Housewives of New Jersey.") A theme our hostesses returned to again and again by saying things like:

"Y'all white women better win this waffle maker!"

"Y'all New Jersey housewives better win this here crock pot!"

"Damn Jersey housewives ain't winnin' shit tonight!"

In addition to the bingo, the ladies mixed things up with a lot of crowd participation and contests. Taking a cue from RuPaul's Drag Race, they did a "lip sync for your life" contest. A really cute gentleman that participated did not perform successfully, so Shi-Queeta said to him, "Go sit down, Bottom, you don't even win nuthin'" Later, she said to another rowdy participant, "I'm a drag queen...I will whup yo ass."

Dilettante Amy was chosen for a dance-off with five other people...and easily won the first round elimination. She tapped out in the second round, however, when her opponent began grinding her butt in a stranger's lap. Amy is nothing if not aware of her personal boundaries...she would simply not go there. Literally or figuratively.

Later in the evening, Dilettante Kathleen was selected for a chug-off with five other people. Having no personal boundaries of which she is aware, she easily downed the beer and won the contest -- and an awesome calendar featuring Shi-Queeta herself.

One bawdy, fun, ridiculous night. Quite a perfect swan song for Nicole...who is now on hiatus from the club until she realizes that a few hours away from her newborn every month will be something she looks forward to and comes back into the fold.

The only down side of the evening was that none of us won bingo. Ever. Also, we ate dinner at Nellie's prior to bingo. The food was good...but the service was awful. We found out later it was our waiter's first night, which probably explained most of that...but jeez. Perhaps we should ask Mary Katherine to whup his ass?

Dilettante Changes and Summer Fun !

Dear Faithful Followers, it is with a heavy heart that we are saying goodbye to one of our original members, Dilettante Nicole. She is having her first baby in June and will be taking some time off to focus on her family
(ha ha ha -- a Dilettante "focusing" -- I kill myself...) We have a ton of great and ridiculous memories and wish her all the best in molding her Dilettante offspring.

We have not yet decided how to fill the void that Nicole will leave. We may have a guest Dilettante every month, we may audition potential new permanent members...we're not sure. What we are sure of is that the Dilettante Club works best with four people and that the fun will continue every month. We have a great lineup of activities planned, starting in May and going through the rest of the year. These include:

• Drag Bingo
• Trapeze
• Bartending
• Tubing
• Spelling Buzz at the Rock and Roll Hotel
• Polo
• Kayaking
• DC Scavenger Hunt
• Cupcake Tasting
• Sunset horseback trail ride

                                                           Stay tuned!

April 2010 Activity -- Spy Mission

Spy in the City Mission
The Spy Museum
Washington, DC
Saturday, April 17th
9:00 - 10:30pm
Cost: $14/person

How could your four Mata Hari wannabes Dilettantes not want to participate in an activity described thusly:

Time is ticking… terrorist operation is unfolding in DC…sleeper agents are ready to activate a device that will bring the city to its knees. Can you find the hidden password to deactivate it before the terrorists launch their attack? In the ultimate intelligence game, you will piece together clues and decipher messages that reveal a world of ruthless terrorists and deadly choices. As a Special Security Division (SSD) agent armed with a Geo-COBRA, the latest high tech device issued to counterintelligence field agents, you prowl the streets of DC uncovering secret messages, tracing hidden signals, scanning for fingerprints, and breaking codes. Can you foil the plot? Only your wits and time will tell…

Being good spies, the Dilettantes did their best to blend in...and by that, I mean that Dilettante Kathleen used her pink ear buds and Dilettante Amanda wore a bright red beret.

Our first order of business was to choose spy names. Nicole went with Pilar, Amanda went with Natasha, Amy went with "The Umbrella Maker" and Kathleen went with Brutalism. We received our briefing on how to use our COBRA devices and off we went into the gorgeously sunny DC day, receiving audio and video messages from our contact and also from special agent "catbird." (Our GPS devices also issued each of us a "special code name" when we first logged in. We found out later that EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US was "Tango 009". Not only is that completely not secure and probably what caused us to have an unsuccessful spy mission...it also kinda makes me regret the "Tango 009' tattoo I got.)

The mission was a lot of fun. With the exception of Nicole's GPS device not working after the first five minutes of the activity. That required a call back to HQ to try and get things sorted out, but it was not to be. (Though they did refund her money at the end.) All in all, a fun way to spend an hour an a half on a beautiful sunny day in the city.

Lunch at Teaism followed (after a failed attempt to go to Gordon Biersch -- shocking that so few other people want beer before 11:00am).

March 2010 Activity -- Mosaics

Tuesday, March 23, 2010
6:30 – 8:30pm
VisArts
155 Gibbs Street, Suite 300
Rockville, MD 20850
Cost: $55/person
Includes instruction and materials to complete a mosaic lamp, vase or tray
http://www.visartscenter.org/

First of all, "mosaics" might be one of my favorite words to say, so this activity had that going for it right off the bat.

Secondly, due to Washington metro area traffic and rainy weather, each of the four Dilettantes was late to this class and Eileen (the instructor) could not have been more welcoming or empathetic as we made our way into the room. She patiently went over anything she had already discussed, emphasized that whatever approach we wanted to take (more planned out or more free-form) to our mosaic piece was great, and really made us feel welcome and excited to learn about this art form. (She also tried to hunt down a bottle of wine for us, so basically, she is our favorite instructor, ever.)

The class was just the four Dilettantes and one other woman, so we all got a lot of individual instruction and suggestions. Eileen had many containers filled with different types and colors of glass pieces and glass beads from which we could select what we wanted to use for our design. We all got our supplies together and began laying out our designs -- Dilettantes Nicole, Amanda and Kathleen on trays and Dilettante Amy on a picture frame.

After outfitting us with safety goggles and "Mr. Snippies" (glass cutters), Eileen let us create, while a mix of great music played in the studio. She was truly a perfect balance of creative, talented artist and patient, encouraging instructor. As we worked, we all forgot about traffic and stress and just really got into what we were doing.

It took almost an hour and a half to lay out and glue down our designs. Eileen told us how the grouting procedure worked, but we did not do this part ourselves -- this and the firing she was going to do after we left and then we'd pick them up some other time.

We followed up with some excellent food (and a few pisco sours) at the Peruvian restaurant next door.

(Dilettante Nicole will be picking up the completed mosaics pieces in the next few weeks...she'll be in Rockville anyway for a trip to Buy, Buy baby...) [No pressure, Nicole, but "Mosaic" would make a very nice baby name.]

  

February 2010 -- Lebanese Cooking Class

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Lebanese Taverna Market
4400 Old Dominion Drive Arlington, VA
Time: 6:45-9:30pm
Cost: $60/person
http://www.lebanesetaverna.com/cooking_classes/

Description from Lebanese Taverna web site:

Class starts with wine and appetizers while you introduce yourselves and get to know your classmates. Then we get to work with the preparation of the menu. Our Chef is a master of his art and he truly enjoys sharing his knowledge and skills. The classes are "full participation" and use the hands-on approach as the best way to teach and get you involved in the cooking process. This one-on-one opportunity to work with the Chef gives the feel for what it is like to prepare the recipes so you can more easily repeat them at home. Class size is controlled so everyone has a chance to participate.

The menu for our cooking class included the following:
                     Arugula Salad: arugula, scallions & olives tossed in a vinaigrette salad
                     Sayadieh: broiled grouper over a spiced rice pilaf with grilled vegetables
                     Lubieh BelZeit: green beans simmered in tomatoes, garlic cloves & spices
                     Um Ali: bread pudding made with phyllo, pistachios, pine nuts and raisins

Well, this class was not as "hands-on" as we had hoped. The chef who ran the class did most of the food prep up front while we (and about 15 other students) watched. Lebanese Taverna did provide us all with copies of the recipes so that we could make any of the dishes we learned about at home, although the fact that the recipe for the entree began with cooking a whole fish scared us off a little bit. (And did make us wonder what is wrong with fish stock, which would cut about two hours and the entire "yecch" factor out of the recipe.)

January 2010 Activity -- Knitting

Saturday, January 16, 2010
11:30am - 1:00pm
Dilettante Amy's House, Arlington, VA
Cost:  $105 for 1 1/2 hours instruction and all materials                    
(Dilettante Amanda scored a deal on this by betting on the tutorial at a silent auction)

You know how you reach a certain point in your life where you begin to assess where you are and where you've been and wonder what other things you want to try or achieve in this all-too-short time we have on earth?

And then you realize that knitting falls nowhere on that spectrum?

Knitting is one of those things that we know lots of other nice people do, but have never had any interest in doing ourselves. (Kind of like going to church. Or threesomes.) Yet... and this is a big YET...this was a really, really fun activity.

As we've all discussed before, the instructor can totally make or break an activity, and Emmy not only made this one fun, but we also learned enough about knitting that the slightly OCD faction of the Dilettante Club (cough, cough Amanda) is now intent upon knitting until the entire skein of yarn is gone.

Emmy provided each of us a set of new knitting needles and a skein of yarn. (The needles were the training-wheel version of actual knitting needles, which is kind of the next best thing to us wearing helmets while doing an activity.) We learned how to "cast on" to begin knitting a row of stitches, how to "take it from behind" (heh), and how to count stitches, do a purl stitch and take the knitting off the needles when we were finished. Emmy was patient and laid-back and had a way of explaining what was actually some pretty complicated stuff that made it understandable.

Overachiever Amy continued to add stitches throughout the activity...somehow ending up with 26, even though only 12 were requested. (cough, cough teacher's pet)

And get this...Emmy also gave us each a scarf that her mom had knitted. How much do you love that? (And how much enjoyment did we each get out of going home and telling the Dilettante spouses that we knitted those scarves ourselves?)

We followed up the activity with lunch and beer ('cept for Nicole, of course...no beer now that a little Dilettante is on its way) at Dogfish Head.

December 2009 Activity -- Cancelled!

Due to some snow and some scheduling, our Spy Mission activity was cancelled this month. Look for us to make up the activity in the Spring!

November 2009 Activity -- Flower Arranging

Tuesday, November 17, 2009
8:00-9:30pm
Dilettante Amy's House, Arlington, VA
Cost: $25/person

Our Flower Arranging "teacher" advertised on Craigslist as "Practically Martha," claiming that she culled Martha Stewart's site for great ideas and tips and then simplified them so that "normal" people could entertain in Martha Stewart style. Because she was not coming to Amy's house until 8:00pm and because it was a week night, we did the dinner and drinks portion of the evening first -- at The Lost Dog Cafe in Arlington.

(NOTE: The next section is for mature audiences only. Meaning not for any of our readers...)

At the Lost Dog, Dilettante Amanda was ordering a beer and said to our waiter "I will have an Old Chub" and I (predictably) commented, "Just like in college." (We followed that up by saying to our waiter that we bet he had not heard that one before and that we wondered if the brewery was aware that the beer name was a double entendre.)

Right after that, Nicole ordered a sandwich called "The Fatty." It all seemed so phallic that when it was my turn to order, I told the waiter that I'd like "The Girth Monster." From that point on, every single thing we said to the waiter and everything he said to us had sexual undertones. To wit:

Waiter: "Are you done with your plate?"
Me: "No. I'm not finished. It takes me a long time to finish."
Waiter: "Well, take your time. I want you to be satisfied."

Nicole: "Can I have some more water?"
Waiter: "Oh, I'll get you some more water."

Amy: "Can I get some horseradish sauce for my onion rings?"
Waiter: "You really like the white sauce, don't you?"

We hope he enjoyed getting a big tip. >smirk<

(NOTE: PG-13 content begins below...)

From there, we drove to Amy's house where "Practically Martha" was meeting us for the activity.

Prior to the class, this woman had asked us each to bring two containers in which we could create a floral arrangement, so we had some pretty reasonable (we thought) expectations about how many flowers she was going to bring, and were also assuming that we'd be heading home with two floral arrangements each.

But...she only brought two tiny bunches of flowers and selected two containers from the eight that we had provided, and then proceeded to cut the stems and stick them into the containers in the exact arrangement in which she had bought them. (See photos above.) She added nothing. Except the suggestion that we might want to consider adding foil-wrapped chocolates into the bottom of the clear vase. What?

That part of the demonstration lasted about 15 minutes, and then she moved on to teaching us how to make paper flowers...all the while (kiddingly?) telling us that we were terrible at this and were probably not ready to move on to the more advanced flowers. Apparently, she did not fully appreciate Amanda's Greek key foliage pattern, which was rather inspired (by the Old Chub, most likely). And then telling us that "she was awesome" at paper flower making.

So...we spent $25 to sit there and get criticized. (If I wanted that, I would've just met my mom for a drink.)

She brought along some ModgePodge (TM), ribbon and a paintbrush, yet these never appeared during our class. When asked, she told us about all the cool stuff we could have done with these items.  (Again...what?)

Perhaps she was "Practically Martha" in her condescending attitude. Other than that...we failed to see much similarity to the entertaining goddess.

Overall, we'd give this activity (as well as Dilettante Amanda's creations) a big, fat "F".

October 2009 Activity -- Horror Makeup

Thursday, October 22, 2009

8:45-10:00pm

The Soundry, Vienna, VA, www.thesoundry.net

Cost: $27/person (instruction and supplies)

The course description on The Soundry website said, "Make your scary Halloween costume truly grotesque with this workshop on horror makeup. Learn simple techniques for creating authentic-looking flesh wounds, wrinkled skin, bulbous lesions, and more with liquid latex, fake blood, and face paint."

Soundry -- you had us at "authentic-looking flesh wounds."

Since it was a school night, we met at Bazin's for dinner and drinks in advance of our activity. (Two words: yum). Dilettante Amanda brought along some Tupperware she was returning to Dilettante Kathleen and a couple of other things that she had in a brown paper bag that she placed under the table during dinner. (Remember this fact...it will be important later.)

After our meal, we headed around the corner to The Soundry for our class. We met Jordana, the instructor, on our way in and went into the back of the space to get set up at a table. She provided each of us with our own tubes of black, white and green makeup, some liquid latex, a tube of fake blood and a palette of assorted colors of cream makeup.  Oh, and we also each got a container of a product called, "creepy skin." (Why did we not know about this when we were dating? Do you know how many bad dates this stuff could have prevented us from suffering through? When I remarket this as "Bad Date Ender" it will include the instructions: Go into restroom. Return sporting hideous growth. Bad date over.)  It's genius, really. (Except that some of the guys I dated may have been into that sort of thing. But that's a story for another blog.)

Jordana began by teaching us how to do Zombie faces (blending the black is the key -- you don't want to look too raccoon-like). The Zombie faces were super-scary -- especially when she used a stippling sponge to add blood all around Amanda's mouth. (And as scary as that was, it did not rival the horror of Amy's comment about her husband getting some "zombie strange" later that night.)

Amy took off to the bathroom with her creepy skin and returned with a bullet hole in the middle of her forehead that was dripping blood. It was exceptionally realistic and quite disturbing. Jordana transformed Nicole into a witch by adding a bulbous nose and black and green makeup to her face until she was unrecognizable and then did a scary skeletal hand out of liquid latex on Kathleen's hand that was dripping blood.

At about this time, Amanda remembered that she had left her bag at Bazin's and stated simply, "oh, well, I'll just pick it up after class." (Forgetting, of course, that she was now a flesh-eating zombie.) We did end up going to Bazin's when our class ended. The handful of people at the bar were amused by our makeup yet the Bazin's staff appeared to have no sense of humor at all. Especially when I wrote down my name and phone number for them to call me when they located the bag, and dripped blood onto their notepad.

Dilettantes featured in the Washingtonian

Washingtonian Blogger Beat -- The Dilettante Club

(Thanks to Columnist Emily Leaman -- this was a blast.)

September 2009 Activity -- Bridge

Tuesday, September 29, 2009
6:30pm - 9:00pm
Dilettante Amy's house -- Arlington, VA
Instructor: John -- (jkuchen at verizon dot net)
Cost: A six pack of Oktoberfest beers and our gratitude

You really have to hand it to our bridge instructor, John (get it? hand? like a card hand? I'll pause while the hilarity ensues...) He has been playing bridge for 20 years and attempted to teach us in 2 1/2 hours what he normally takes eight weeks to teach his beginning bridge students. His goal for the night was to teach us just enough to be able to decipher the bridge column in the Washington Post.

Using the Standard American Bidding system (and probably 100% of his patience reserves), John taught us some bridge basics (using Disney and Dog Breed cards -- thanks to Dilettante Amy.)

We learned the point values assigned to certain cards, how the suits ranked, how to make contracts, the rules for opener, what trump and notrump mean, and how to determine the longest suit while playing a few practice hands. (Dilettante Kathleen managed to get some awesome cards during the first two hands, so she just sat back while Dummy (it's a bridge term -- I swear!) Nicole did all the work. Amy manged to pull a couple of bad hands, so every time it was her turn, she simply retreated into a fetal position with her head on the table.

There is a lot to know about bridge rules and terminology, and a lot of strategy. It is a little overwhelming to the novice. Especially the novice with a short attention span. However, there is also just enough colorful bridge language to keep things fun. To wit:

• When vulnerable, if you go down a lot you might win the game but still lose the rubber
• That's a stiffy
• She's the dummy

And Dilettante Kathleen's favorite:

• Now switch partners

John obviously knew his stuff and in spite of ourselves, I think we actually learned something. At the end of our activity, we went through the Washington Post bridge column and understood some of it. Mission accomplished.

No de-brief was necessary as we enjoyed some pizza and beer while we played cards. Pretty efficient, huh?

August 2009 Activity -- High Ropes Challenge Course

Sunday, August 30th
12:00pm - 2:00pm
Terrapin Adventures
Savage, MD
Cost: $49/person

This high ropes course takes you 40 feet high and through 17 different (and progressively challenging) traverses using a continuous belay system. (Translation: the only thing between you and certain death is a decent sense of balance and one short rope.)

The Dilettantes checked in at the Terrapin Adventures office and were outfitted with harnesses and helmets. (EXTREMELY IMPORTANT NOTE: Men who are participating in this adventure would be advised to wear jeans or khaki shorts. Some of the men there were wearing gym shorts, and let's just say that the way the harnesses fit over the flimsy material let us know that our group included some of our Jewish brothers.)

From there, we walked outside and stood in line to get attached to our belay and begin the challenge course by climbing up a ladder to the first platform and having an instructor "show us the ropes." (That pun was not nearly as satisfying as it sounded in my head.) For anyone with even a tiny bit of a fear of heights...this first ascent (yes...just up a ladder) was intimidating.

You know how there is always someone in every group that makes you wonder how many bricks of hash his mom smoked when she was pregnant? There was a total Meathead in our group who was loud and obnoxious and pretty much a total idiot. While he was doing one of the zip line traverses, he screamed at the top of his lungs, "Ow, my nuts!" (Which is funny enough on its own, but even funnier considering that was the name of the game show in the movie Idiocracy. Purpose of the show: to hit people in the groin area with heavy objects, causing them to scream, "Ow, my nuts!") (As you may imagine, Idiocracy is a Dilettante favorite.)

Because she is hilarious, when it was Dilettante Amanda's turn on the zip line (right after Meathead's), she got about midway across and screamed, "Ow, my nuts!" as loudly as she could, causing us all to die laughing.

Speaking of which, there was a lot less giggling and joking than in a usual Dilettante activity. We had to focus and summon up courage to do things like jump from a perfectly good platform into mid-air 40 feet off the ground (in a maneuver called "the flying squirrel") and hook ourselves to a zip line, hoping we had done it correctly. Every ounce of strength we had was required for things like crossing the rope net and balancing on small wooden platforms way up in the sky.

But you know what? We did it. Dilettante Nicole (who is terrified of heights) made it to the second level; and Dilettantes Amanda, Amy and Kathleen conquered the whole course (after much screwing up of courage and about twenty minutes watching other people on the third level). We all finished the activity with a huge sense of accomplishment (and some very sore arm muscles).

Celebratory beers and lunch followed at the Rams Head Tavern (which had more of an Applebee's than a tavern ambience, complete with entrees named "Sammich"), which was walking distance from the ropes course. Our waitress was a bit of a question mark who seemed to alternately think she was at a Grateful Dead show and remember that she was serving us in a restaurant. (We ordered all of our food without mushrooms, just to be on the safe side.)

We are rock stars and are still rocking some serious bruises from this little adventure.

July 2009 Activity -- Kangoo Jumps

Kangoo Jumps Class
Sunday, July 19, 2009
10:00-11:00am
Golds Gym
Woodbridge, VA
$10/person
http://kangoojumps.com

Kangoo Jumps is an aerobics class. That you do while wearing contraptions on your feet that look like a combination of ski boot and springboard.(Because keeping up with the choreography in aerobics has never been challenging enough.) (At least for the "helmet brigade" portion of the Dilettantes...)

Aside from wobbling around like a newborn fawn when first standing up in these boots, we got used to them pretty quickly and had a great time in this class. You cannot be in anything but a good mood when bounding around like a kangaroo in time to great music. (Which is why school dances in the 80s were so much fun.)

You might think that the instructor (think Stockard Channing with white-blonde hair) would take it easy on a class that was about half full (I'm an optimist!) of people who had never been on these contraptions before. Not the case. We went full tilt for the entire hour. There were many moves that were reminiscent of tap dancing...and also some moves that were pulled right from an MC Hammer video. (Why Madonna has not incorporated this into the choreography for her latest tour we may never know.)

And aside from some blistering and chafing where the boots rubbed our legs, we all felt (but did not smell) great after class. The fact that this is low impact made a big difference.

We followed up class with lunch at The Original Steakhouse in Woodbridge. And then a nap.

June 2009 Activity -- Making Hula Hoops

Thursday, June 18th, 2009
7:15-8:15pm
Dilettante Kathleen's Home, Oakton, VA
www.carlygoss.com
$32.50/person (all supplies and instructor's travel costs included)

We found Carly on a DailyCandy e-mail and thought she taught hula hooping. She actually teaches hula hoop construction. (Talk about re-inventing the wheel.) (I'll be here all post...tip your bartenders well...)

Carly is primarily a weaver who got into making hula hoops on a whim, almost. She is part of the Crafters Mafia in Baltimore along with some other creative types who do all sorts of interesting things like this. (Note to self: Avoid concrete shoe-making class...)

We began our activity by cutting a length of PVC tube. This is purchased in 100-foot quantities, which means that you should be fairly certain that you want to make a bunch of hula hoops (or get really into irrigation) before investing in this.

After cutting our lengths of tube (the bigger the tube, the cooler the dilettante) (taller people cut longer lengths of tube), we each put one end in a pot of boiling water to soften it up, and after doing so, jammed a plastic joiner into one end of it. (“Jammed” seems so indelicate, yet that is exactly what we did.) Then, we poured about a cup of water right into the tube as we softened up the other end in the boiling water and jammed the other end of the tube onto the joiner. And just like that, we were done and all that was left was to decorate the hoop. This sounds amazingly simple…and it was, with the right tools and materials. It was very satisfying (especially for a bunch of women with short attention spans) to be able to create this so quickly.

Carly brought a huge assortment of colored tape with which we could decorate our hoops. Dilettante Amanda went with Denver Broncos orange and blue, Dilettante Amy went with her sorority colors of yellow and red, Dilettante Nicole went with a cool pattern of blue, yellow and magenta and Dilettante Kathleen (with an assist from Dilettante-in-training Avery) chose a rainbow scheme (in honor of Pride Week, of course).

When we finished with our taping, we headed out to the front yard to try out our hoops. It was amazing how much easier it was to hula hoop with a hoop that had water inside – all of us were able to do it almost immediately. Carly was excellent at keeping the hoop going and also tried to teach us all a very cool trick, which we all attempted with varying degrees of success (“varying degrees” meaning that some of us managed to just hit ourselves in the head with the hoop, while others were quite literally swept off their feet). Without question, we are white.

We ended the evening with some pizza, beer and great stories from Dilettante Amy's recent trip to Russia.

(And yes...we do think "hooping" should be an Olympic sport...hence our photo homage to the Olympic rings....)

May 2009 Activity -- Ishi Yama Ryu (Modern Japanese Swordsmanship)

Saturday, May 9, 2009
6:00-8:00pm
The Jhoon Rhee Institute of Tae Kwon Do
1136 West Broad Street
Falls Church, VA
www.ishiyamaryu.com

(Yes, we did fight the urge the entire time we were at Jhoon Rhee to say, "Nobody bodders me." Perhaps not entirely successfully.)

According to the description for this class, Ishi Yama Ryu (IYR) is a modern form of battojutsu and kenjutsu developed by Russell McCartney Sensei. This art form is a unique expression of Japanese style swordsmanship. The fundamental basis of IYR is rooted in Toyama Ryu and Nakamura Ryu, while also drawing from physics, biomechanics, and geometry to create a powerful yet elegant style which emphasizes dynamic movement and stability. The forms and rhythms of IYR are also deeply inspired by nature and sacred geometry.

Got that?

The dilettantes were the four members of this introductory class (they offer two intro classes for free before you must enroll in a course). They should really reconsider this business model, as the instructor (Steve) is great, the class is really interesting, and we all definitely would have paid for it.

Our instructor had a fantastically dry sense of humor and kept saying things like, "You want to make sure you block yourself when someone is coming at you with a sword because if you got stabbed, it would not feel good. Not feel good being the official Japanese term for it." He had been studying this martial art for more than nine years and obviously knew his stuff, yet was able to translate it into kihon (basics) for us to keep us interested.

After we learned to bow while entering the mat, we attempted the eight kata (prearranged form and technique) and then moved on to kumitachi (forms conducted with a partner).

Of course, we felt like total morons going through these movements, so when the instructor asked, "Do you have any questions so far?" I said, "Just one...is that thing on?" (They have a video camera set up on a tripod to record competitions and such. He did assure us that none of the dilettantes would end up on YouTube. Well, for this class, anyway.)

We learned about one defensive move called a slapping parry (which totally sounds like a euphemism for masturbation) and also a Japanese word that translates into "song of the sword" that describes that really cool sound a sword makes when slashing through the air at just the right angle. (Of course, I have totally forgotten the word, and none of us experienced that first-hand, as we were issued wooden "swords" with which to practice.) This was downgraded to foam "swords" and helmets at one point during the lesson because he had obviously read about our Segway experience for safety reasons. This was for the tameshigiri (target cutting), jigeiko (free sparring with RSW sparring weapons), suburi (repetitive swings) and ashi sabaki (footwork) part of the lesson.

The two hour lesson flew by, and we even stayed for ten more minutes to watch Steve and another guy practice duel.

Dinner and drinks followed at (the awesome) Dogwood Tavern in Falls Church.

April 2009 Activity -- Scientology

Wednesday, April 29, 2009
9:00pm
L. Ron Hubbard Church and Museum of Scientology
Dupont Circle
1812 19th Street, Washington, DC

Disclosure: We were totally going into this activity with no knowledge of Scientology. Based on the negative media, we assumed that Scientologists were whack jobs who found religion in the cheesy 70s Sci-Fi writings of L. Ron Hubbard, eschewed advances in modern medicine and bought their way into certain levels of enlightenment.

After spending a couple of hours at the Scientology headquarters, it appeared that we actually had a pretty solid understanding of Scientology. Holy brainwashing, Batman!

Prior to this activity, we made a pact that no one was giving real information to anyone (including any real names). Also, there was no leaving the group for any reason (as we thought they may do the ol' time-share-sales divide-and-conquer routine). (As Dilettante Amanda so gently put it, "I don't care if the bathroom is a one-seater...if one of us has to go...we all go.) With back stories in place (and a couple of bottles of wine at Sette knocked back), your dilettantes "Liz Nickels", "Kathryn Whitmore", "Amber Morrison" and "Julia Meiser" headed over to Scientology Central.

What we did not figure into our (well-laid, borderline genius) plans were:

a) Immediately upon arrival at the Church of Scientology HQ, we were shuttled out the door (by some freaky guy who said, "this is your first time here, right? and I replied, "yes, how did you know?" and through a creepy, plastered-on smile, he said, "I can always tell") to the Church of Scientology Museum (about two blocks away via a network of back alleys) with a Scientologist escort. (Ergo, our location would be unknown to any of our survivors...)

b) Dilettante Kathleen is a total idiot who within three seconds of arriving called both Amanda and Amy by their real names. Oops.

Our escort left us with a different Scientologist who took us on a tour of the three-story row house that was the original Scientology Headquarters. He gave us a lot of background on L. Ron's personal history and then took us upstairs to see L. Ron's office and meeting rooms that were still intact and decorated with some of the original pieces.

We went into one room that displayed all of the volumes that L. Ron had written -- everything from Sci-Fi to art, writing, religion, detox, education, prison reform -- you name it...he was an "expert" in it.

A couple of the more intriguing pamphlet names were:

Ritalin - Kiddie Cocaine
Psychiatry - Industry of Death

We were also fascinated with his Happiness doctrine, which basically just re-wrote the Golden Rule and the Ten Commandments and included such nuggets as, "Don't Murder" and "Take Care of Your Teeth." (I mean, sure, I can buy into both of those tenets, but I'm not sure that I need to read them in a plagiarized Happiness doctrine to incorporate them into everyday life.)

Our tour guide would have stayed for many more hours answering questions (it was close to 11:00pm), but we had to get to our parking garage before it closed. Of course, we all came up with a million additional questions as we were driving home. There really is a lot to ask and a lot we still want to know. Primarily about how we can start our own religion. That is some pretty schweet real estate these people own in Dupont.

Supplemental Activity -- Richard Cheese at the 9:30 Club

Know who I love? The Dilettantes. Know who else I love? Richard Cheese. Know why last night was lounge-tastic? Because The Dilettantes (and their hep cat spouses) went to see Richard Cheese at the 9:30 Club in DC in truly swank-a-rific style.

We met up at the Stucco Mansion (Amanda & Leon's house) in our '50s era garb for some appetizers and cosmos, then headed out in our white limo for some cruising and lounging before the concert. As we drove through the pouring rain, we sipped cocktails and enjoyed the dulcet tones of Dick on CD.
Ozio was our first stop for side cars, Manhattans and bellinis, then it was off to Chi Cha Lounge for a few more drinks and our first collective experience with a hookah. (That's the water pipe with flavored tobacco.) (As opposed to a "hooker," with which we've had many collective experiences...)

By the time we got to the 9:30 Club (where we were carded and where my unlit cigarette was confiscated), there was no more seating available on the floor, so we headed up to the balcony. We had a great view of the stage and then Mr. Cheese worked his way through the audience including the balcony. He made our little group part of the show for a few minutes...he was totally digging our 50s finery.

We cabbed back to the stucco mansion after a long discussion with the cab driver about Eritrea. Just a typical Wednesday night for us, really.

March 2009 Activity -- Mechanical Bull Riding

March 13, 2009
Cadillac Ranch
National Harbor
Oxon Hill, MD

The Dilettantes met up at the Cadillac Ranch at the new National Harbor, bedecked in jeans, boots, massive belt buckles and cowboy hats, pard'ner. We reckoned that the harbor area looked like a ghost town until we went inside and the place was packed. As we waited for Dilettante Amanda (she got a little lost finding the place) we watched a bunch of people ride the mechanical bull (not a euphemism, even though I really, really want it to be). As each person took turns riding, the crowd that had gathered to watch cheered them on and got really into it. We enjoyed a few cocktails as we watched one person after another get tossed onto the ground.

When Amanda arrived, we got a table for dinner. Since we'd had to wait for a table for a while, we decided that we'd eat and then ride the bull. Our table was right next to the bull riding area, so we watched others as we ate until we suddenly noticed that the bull was idle. Apparently, a fuse had blown and the bull was going to be out of commission for at least an hour so it could be repaired.

Our waiter was an interesting chap. He seemed a bit overwhelmed by us and with the waiter gig in general. He didn't know to ask if we wanted additional drinks, and brought the wrong food to the table and just seemed a bit out of his league. At one point, he was reaching behind his back and tugging at something, so Dilettante Kathleen asked, "Do you have a wedgie?" He kind of half-smiled at that and said "no", but also didn't seem particularly embarrassed by the question. He was then known as "Reggie Wedgie" to us.

When the bull started working again, Dilettantes Nicole and Kathleen ran to get in line to ensure they'd have a chance to ride. After waiting for just a few other people ahead of them, Dilettantes Nicole and Kathleen were up. Both did a pretty admirable job of staying on the bull (and not breaking their necks when they finally did let to).

[She's not one to brag, but Dilettante Kathleen had an admirer at the bar. He was apparently bilingual (slur being the second language) and he had quite the silver tongue. He said to her "When you're up there [on the bull], I'll be bouncing all over the place. I'll be all like, wwwwaaaazzzzzuuupppp?" and then he put his arm around her. Good thing she and her husband are solid, because there are temptations...she's only human, you know.]

Dilettantes Amy and Amanda got in line for their turns to ride the bull, and as they were waiting, the bull broke down again. This time, we decided that we could not wait for it to be repaired, as we had already been there for about four hours.

We all did manage to pose on the bull, even though not all of us got to ride it. And really...isn't the photo op what we're in it for anyway?