Tuesday, May 11thNellie's
900 U Street
Washington, DC
8:00-10:00pmFree
http://www.nelliessportsbar.com/
Where to even begin? With Eleanor, the lesbian from Dallas? With the woman from Georgia who did not grasp the concept of BINGO and ran up on stage after getting five in-no-way-connected spots on her score card filled? With the huge table full of employees from the Red Robin in Waldorf who seemed to be regulars? (And who lost an over-imbibing member of their group to the restroom for a good portion of the night?) With the vast array of food and beverage that was available in "bucket 'o" quantities?
Or should we begin with the prize table -- which was quite obviously a table of rejected gifts from Christmases past. It included: a leopard print snuggie, an electronic dartboard, a dirt devil vacuum, a Paula Deen hot chocolate maker, a crock pot, a chia pet, a basketball, a waffle maker and some other completely random stuff. (Seeing the chia pet prompted Dilettante Kathleen to exclaim, "Oh my GOD! I have always wanted a chia pet!" A dream sadly unrealized due to the hefty $7.99 price tag, apparently.)
Actually, let's begin with how the two stunning drag hostesses (Shi-Queeta and I-don't-remember-the-other-woman's-name-so-let's-call-her-Mary-Katherine-because-it's-funny) set the tone of the evening by picking on every single person in the (completely full) bar. The banter was totally lewd and uproariously funny. They were absolutely equal-opportunity offenders and made everyone feel like they were part of the party. (If you go...be prepared to discuss your sexual orientation and whether or not you are a "top" or a "bottom"). And be prepared to be challenged on your answers based on some of your bodily features. Whether you are gay/straight/black/white/male/female or anything in between -- you are going to be stereotyped with an unflattering comparison. (In our crowd, there was a "Sumo Wrestler," a "Shrimp Fried Rice," and a "Velma" from Scooby Doo. Frankly, we got off pretty easy, as we were dubbed simply, "The Real Housewives of New Jersey.") A theme our hostesses returned to again and again by saying things like:
"Y'all white women better win this waffle maker!"
"Y'all New Jersey housewives better win this here crock pot!"
"Damn Jersey housewives ain't winnin' shit tonight!"
In addition to the bingo, the ladies mixed things up with a lot of crowd participation and contests. Taking a cue from RuPaul's Drag Race, they did a "lip sync for your life" contest. A really cute gentleman that participated did not perform successfully, so Shi-Queeta said to him, "Go sit down, Bottom, you don't even win nuthin'" Later, she said to another rowdy participant, "I'm a drag queen...I will whup yo ass."
Dilettante Amy was chosen for a dance-off with five other people...and easily won the first round elimination. She tapped out in the second round, however, when her opponent began grinding her butt in a stranger's lap. Amy is nothing if not aware of her personal boundaries...she would simply not go there. Literally or figuratively.
Later in the evening, Dilettante Kathleen was selected for a chug-off with five other people. Having no personal boundaries of which she is aware, she easily downed the beer and won the contest -- and an awesome calendar featuring Shi-Queeta herself.
One bawdy, fun, ridiculous night. Quite a perfect swan song for Nicole...who is now on hiatus from the club until she realizes that a few hours away from her newborn every month will be something she looks forward to and comes back into the fold.
The only down side of the evening was that none of us won bingo. Ever. Also, we ate dinner at Nellie's prior to bingo. The food was good...but the service was awful. We found out later it was our waiter's first night, which probably explained most of that...but jeez. Perhaps we should ask Mary Katherine to whup his ass?
